and then there were four [an adoption story]

He's eight months old now, but better late than never, right? Time flies when you're having fun!

In all honesty, this is more difficult than I imagined it would be. I wrote Norah's adoption story on here three and a half years ago. A lot has changed since then. Some of my thoughts on adoption have changed. I've changed how (and if) I share specifics of our children's stories. These stories belong to them. Nothing makes you realize that this is not about me like standing outside the hospital, weeping and holding your brand new son's birth mom, the mother who had just given him life. 

I rocked this eight month old to sleep tonight, and I told him again: "She loves you so much." It is sacred. This is not about me. 

But if I'm going to tell a little bit of this story, it actually starts years ago with a house.

After we had been married for one year, we bought our first home. A townhouse that was perfect for our stage of life. Fast forward a handful of years... not so much. Two bedrooms, no basement, no storage, one small living area, and a baby. We knew that when the time came to adopt again, we would ideally need to move first. We put our house on the market in the Spring of 2013 where it stayed for a long, long time. 

Actually, it did sell once! After four months under contract the buyer's lending fell through. By that time we were ready to begin adoption #2, but really really really wanted to wait until after our home sold and we moved to a bigger place. In the Fall of 2014, we changed our plans and began the process to update our home study, still in the townhome. We had no idea when (or if) it would sell, and decided not to put our adoption plans on hold any longer.

That month our townhome sold, ending (yet another) long season of waiting. 

In an unexpected turn of events, our previous buyer whose lending fell through had been approved! We emailed our social worker and said, "Uhhh about that home study update? We need to postpone!" 

We moved in January and after taking a few months to get settled, we jumped back in and completed our home study update. It was finished and approved at the beginning of April.

For our first adoption in 2012, we worked briefly with a local agency before meeting our now daughter's birth family. We loved them, but weren't planning to contact them yet about wanting to adopt again, simply because they had a higher activation fee. Our plan was to wait and see, but on a whim we scrapped that idea and sent the social worker an email and began the process of getting them our home study and profile book. During all this, she emailed me and said she actually had an expectant mom to show our profile to... like, soon. 

I was in the middle of planning a huge garage sale fundraiser with a friend who was also adopting, and it was keeping me super busy. When the social worker emailed to let us know she had narrowed it down to us and another family, we were surprised. The ink on our home study had barely dried, and we could be matched already?! Surely not. The following week the phone call came: "She chose you!" What else can I say? The depth of that privilege isn't lost on me.

Baby wasn't due for about four more months, and God gave me such a profound sense of peace during that time. We knew from experience that a match is not a guarantee of placement - which it shouldn't be. There are real people with real and complex emotions involved. God brought to mind early on the verse in 1 John that says perfect love casts out all fear. I knew without a doubt that she would be (and will be again one day) a wonderful mom, and if she ultimately decided to parent, I would tell her you're going to be amazing and absolutely mean it. 

He decided to make his debut an entire two weeks early, and the very first time I laid eyes on him was when his mom texted me this photo:

Hello there, perfection! Squished nose and all. Turns out that the fierce love you feel for your first child really does grow in size, and this little guy still has me wrapped around his finger. 

The next day they were discharged. Again, sacred. This was the second time I had the privilege of touching and feeling the sacrificial sort of love that a mother has for her child. 

This is really just our brief part of the story, and it isn't the only side - but it's the only side that is mine to share. I continue to be in awe of God's faithfulness to us all. When we decided to move and sell our townhome, I didn't think that it would take a year and a half. When we decided to adopt again, I didn't think it would take only four months. God continues to surprise me with the way his plans are always perfect and good for us. He is a good Father, and his plans for us so far have included both joy and heartbreak, and lots and lots of waiting... and waiting... and in all of those things, both the good and the bad, his ways have been perfect.