The Problem with Adoption (More Talk about Ethics.) // Part 3

This is the third and last in a short series where I flesh out some of my thoughts about ethics and domestic infant adoption. I'm still learning, and many of my thoughts and opinions have evolved over our own adoption journey. I hope this is received with all the truth and grace I'm intending.

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In my first post I talked a little about money, and in the second I talked about coercion and birth father issues. If you care about ethical adoptions (which I'm assuming you do), then you should be wondering how to not be a part of the problem.

Here are a couple of my thoughts:

DO YOUR RESEARCH. And then do it again. Don't take anyone's word for it. Look into things yourself. Everyone has their own unique experience, so look at the information you find as a whole - not taking one person's negative or positive experience only.

Google is a wonderful place to start, but another helpful website might be Adoption Agency Ratings.

When you're looking at an agency's website, don't only read the portion for adoptive parents. Read from the expectant parent's perspective too. I wrote more about this here.

An agency or organization having the word "Christian" in its name is not good enough. 

Several years ago a fellow adoptive mom and her family worked with a popular agency in Utah after it was recommended to them by a Christian consulting company. At the time, the agency had already been involved in litigation, received corrective action notices, and was under a corrective action plan by the state's licensing agency.

They didn't know this, though, because they hadn't been told. The information wasn't secret. They just hadn't realized the need to research for themselves.

This agency subsequently lost its license to operate.

ADVOCATE FOR ETHICAL ADOPTIONS. As the potential adoptive parents, we hold much of the power to help curb unethical adoptions from happening.

I personally suggest that couples discuss ahead of time what sorts of things they will say "no" to, so that the emotions of the moment do not influence their decisions. Will you accept a match with an undisclosed biological father? ("Undisclosed" is different than unknown, by the way.) Will you be willing to pay living expenses? If so, up to what amount?

Do you understand the applicable consent and revocation periods in the state where the adoption is occurring? If the baby's mother or father decide to revoke their consent, will you return their baby or will you fight it?

Will you ask your agency or attorney how they plan to notify the baby's biological father, if he isn't involved in the adoption plan?

Will you choose to work with an agency that charges different fees based on the race of the baby?

When you're searching for an agency, what sorts of questions are you asking? Are you asking if counseling is available for expectant parents? Are you asking about support for all parties involved, regardless of the outcome?

This is the good news: you can make a difference! The reality is that adoption agencies need you. You pay the fees. You can choose to say no, and you can speak up and say that you don't like the way they are doing things. Unethical adoptions would not even happen if it weren't for unethical professionals willing to cut corners and profit from families who are willing to stand for it.

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In conclusion: One day these babies will grow up and be kids and then adults, and they will ask questions. Adoption is about finding families for babies, not babies for families. I love adoption but believe that it is complex and bittersweet. There are real people and real hearts on the line. I will continually be learning. I hope you will be too!