What no one told me about choosing an adoption agency

When we started the domestic infant adoption process in 2011, I researched adoption agencies like it was my job! I clicked, called, and sent emails compiling information on their process, the adoption laws in that particular state, fees, what happened if a match fell through... everything. But, admittedly, there was one thing that I never did.

I never read the portion of their website for expectant/birth parents.

Never!

Most agency websites had separate navigation menus clearly marked for "Adoptive Parents" and "Birth Parents." I never read the "birth" parent info, because, well... it didn't apply to me. Or did it?

But it's important. It's important because one day our kids will ask questions, and they deserve to know that we cared for everyone involved in their adoption - not just ourselves. We need to do our research. It is our responsibility.

Below are some phrases pulled from the website or Facebook page of actual adoption agencies or attorneys:

• "[The birth mother] can choose if she wishes to disclose the biological father’s name." No. Biological fathers have rights too, and they need to be properly identified and notified.
• "You don’t have to sacrifice your youth by parenting this baby." What does this even mean?!
• "When [birth fathers] receive reassurance from an adoption professional, they are more likely to agree to the adoption." Sometimes education is needed. There's a difference between education and coercion.
• "Adoption Services - We Pay Rent" I wish I were kidding. This is the actual text that shows across the top of one adoption agency's website.
• "Make a difference to your unborn baby’s life by choosing adoption, the best solution for unplanned pregnancy." Adoption is not "the best" solution; it is one solution of several -  including parenting.

And here are some examples of more supportive, non-coercive language:

• "Should you explore adoption and realize it is not right for you, we will help guide you to the necessary resources to assist with your parenting plan."
• "Our relationship isn’t over once you have your baby."
• "It is important to understand that we believe in providing families for babies, not babies for families."
• "Parenting a child may seem overwhelming, but it is a choice to consider."
• "As a birth father you have rights, and we welcome your involvement in the adoption process."

Take the time to do a little more reading. It's worth it. :)