The Problem with Adoption (More Talk about Ethics.) // Part 3

This is the third and last in a short series where I flesh out some of my thoughts about ethics and domestic infant adoption. I'm still learning, and many of my thoughts and opinions have evolved over our own adoption journey. I hope this is received with all the truth and grace I'm intending.

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In my first post I talked a little about money, and in the second I talked about coercion and birth father issues. If you care about ethical adoptions (which I'm assuming you do), then you should be wondering how to not be a part of the problem.

Here are a couple of my thoughts:

DO YOUR RESEARCH. And then do it again. Don't take anyone's word for it. Look into things yourself. Everyone has their own unique experience, so look at the information you find as a whole - not taking one person's negative or positive experience only.

Google is a wonderful place to start, but another helpful website might be Adoption Agency Ratings.

When you're looking at an agency's website, don't only read the portion for adoptive parents. Read from the expectant parent's perspective too. I wrote more about this here.

An agency or organization having the word "Christian" in its name is not good enough. 

Several years ago a fellow adoptive mom and her family worked with a popular agency in Utah after it was recommended to them by a Christian consulting company. At the time, the agency had already been involved in litigation, received corrective action notices, and was under a corrective action plan by the state's licensing agency.

They didn't know this, though, because they hadn't been told. The information wasn't secret. They just hadn't realized the need to research for themselves.

This agency subsequently lost its license to operate.

ADVOCATE FOR ETHICAL ADOPTIONS. As the potential adoptive parents, we hold much of the power to help curb unethical adoptions from happening.

I personally suggest that couples discuss ahead of time what sorts of things they will say "no" to, so that the emotions of the moment do not influence their decisions. Will you accept a match with an undisclosed biological father? ("Undisclosed" is different than unknown, by the way.) Will you be willing to pay living expenses? If so, up to what amount?

Do you understand the applicable consent and revocation periods in the state where the adoption is occurring? If the baby's mother or father decide to revoke their consent, will you return their baby or will you fight it?

Will you ask your agency or attorney how they plan to notify the baby's biological father, if he isn't involved in the adoption plan?

Will you choose to work with an agency that charges different fees based on the race of the baby?

When you're searching for an agency, what sorts of questions are you asking? Are you asking if counseling is available for expectant parents? Are you asking about support for all parties involved, regardless of the outcome?

This is the good news: you can make a difference! The reality is that adoption agencies need you. You pay the fees. You can choose to say no, and you can speak up and say that you don't like the way they are doing things. Unethical adoptions would not even happen if it weren't for unethical professionals willing to cut corners and profit from families who are willing to stand for it.

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In conclusion: One day these babies will grow up and be kids and then adults, and they will ask questions. Adoption is about finding families for babies, not babies for families. I love adoption but believe that it is complex and bittersweet. There are real people and real hearts on the line. I will continually be learning. I hope you will be too!

The Problem with Adoption (More Talk about Ethics.) // Part 2

This is the second in a short series where I flesh out some of my thoughts about ethics and domestic infant adoption. I'm still learning, and many of my thoughts and opinions have evolved over our own adoption journey. I hope this is received with all the truth and grace I'm intending.

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In my last post I talked a little about the financial side of the adoption industry, and the difference between non-profit and for-profit adoption professionals. This leads into some specific issues that I think are worth discussing.

Money is a motivator and adoptive parents are the customers. In order to stay profitable and keep  
customers, attorneys and agencies need to keep providing a product: babies.

It sounds crass, and it should. It shouldn't be this way.

What weighs so heavily on my heart is when I see adoptive families cut corners or make ethical sacrifices for the sake of a successful placement.

Best case, it's out of sheer lack of knowledge. Worst case, it's purposeful.

Here are some of the ways I've seen this play out:

Ignoring the legal rights of biological fathers. When I received a phone call from our social worker about a potential match, one of the first questions I asked her was: "Does the baby's father agree with her adoption plan?" The answer to that question was important, and would determine whether or not we would move forward.

The legal rights of unmarried biological fathers vary state to state and are extremely complicated. It is [almost always] unethical for the identity of a biological father to be withheld by the mother. I say "almost always" to acknowledge the existence of extra-complicated situations involving domestic violence or rape.

Fathers need to be identified! If they are not involved, they need to be notified - not just notified of the pregnancy, but notified of the adoption plan. They need to be notified of what action they need to take if they do not consent to the adoption plan, and then given a reasonable opportunity to do so.

Utah is especially problematic in this area. In the state of Utah (and sometimes even outside the state of Utah but when Utah law has jurisdiction) legal loopholes allow women to place their baby for adoption without notifying, and sometimes even naming, the baby's father. Some agencies even move a mother to live in Utah for the remainder of her pregnancy (at the financial expense of the adoptive family) for this reason.

To the left is a screenshot from A Guardian Angel Adoptions, a for-profit LLC located in Utah. This was taken from a portion of FAQs for expectant mothers. It was since removed from their website and I was unable to find an updated FAQ section, so I don't know if or what the wording was changed to say.

COERCIVE METHODS
In the world of adoption, coercion is when any form of overt or covert pressure, manipulation, or fraud is used to influence an expectant mother to place her child for adoption. Some methods are more subtle while others are outright. Here are a few things that I (and many other adoptive parents and birth parents) find to be potentially coercive.

• Calling a woman a "birth mother" prior to placement. At this point, she is simply an expectant mother making an adoption plan.
• The payment of excessive "birth mother expenses" by adoptive families. Some agencies have adoptive parents pay for rent, utilities, cell phone, cable, groceries, gas, and more for an expectant mom. Sometimes it is reasonable, but I've personally seen many adoption situations where these expenses easily exceed $10,000. Many states have legal caps on these sorts of payments, but courts often still approve these higher amounts.
• Making promises that won't be kept after finalization.
• Using guilt or shame by continually telling her that adoption is the only "brave, loving, and selfless" decision and that the adoptive family can provide a much better life than she can. 

To the left is another screenshot, this time from the website of Shorstein & Kelly, Florida based adoption attorneys. This was part of their FAQ page for adoptive parents, and addresses what happens to those "living expenses" (discussed above) if the expectant mother chooses to parent. 

First of all, she isn't a birth mother yet. But what troubles me the most is that expectant mothers are asked to sign an agreement, before placement, agreeing to pay back what often amounts to thousands of dollars! It's safe to say that if they had this kind of money, they might not be making an adoptive plan in the first place. Paying these expenses should be a gift with zero expectation to place or repay. Anything less is coercive. 

Often times we say, "Well, that's just the way it's done!" But as (potential) adoptive parents, we have the honor and responsibility to stand up and fight for things to be done better. We have to be a voice, and we have to be the ones to say a firm "NO" when asked or led to do something that is not in the best interest of all members of the adoption triad - especially the ones in the most vulnerable position (and that is not you, adoptive parent!). 

"With adoption, there is always loss. And barring concerns of true neglect or abuse, a biological family who wants to raise their child should be supported in doing so; not coerced, guilted, and forced into placement through legal measures they don’t have the means to combat. Adoption should always be about finding a home for children who need them; not about supplying babies for families who want them." 

-Leah Campbell on adoption.net

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Part 3 will be about some things we can do to ensure we avoid these issues. 

The Problem with Adoption (More Talk about Ethics.) // Part 1

This is the first in a short series where I flesh out some of my thoughts about ethics and domestic infant adoption. I'm still learning, and many of my thoughts and opinions have evolved over our own adoption journey. I hope this is received with all the truth and grace I'm intending.

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This is a topic I've blogged about before both here, and a little bit here. I wish we didn't even need to talk about it to begin with, since it's a complex thing full of Big Feelings for everyone involved. But I can't stay silent about what I'm seeing.

I'm seeing that we really need to talk more about this.

Money is motivating. Can we all agree on that? For some agencies and organizations, adoption is big business bringing in millions of dollars in revenue each year. Here is a report published in February 2015 by IBISWorld on adoption and child welfare services in the U.S.

This report tells us that 8.2% of this data was for adoption services, so of the total revenue stated, $1.15 billion was generated in revenue with $31.2 million in profit.

NON-PROFIT VS. FOR-PROFIT
Some people are confused when they hear that many adoption agencies operate as for-profit corporations. Non-profit agencies also need to make a profit (so they can stay in business!), the difference is how those profits are handled.

For-profit businesses distribute profits to its owners or shareholders, but non-profits reinvest profits into the organization to further advance its mission. Additionally, non-profit organizations are required to make certain organizational documents available to the public, such as their audited financial statements, Form 990 (tax form), and IRS determination letter. This means that you can call any non-profit adoption agency and request they send you a copy of their most recent audit and tax form. Information is also available online at websites such as Guidestar.org with a free account.

In my opinion, being a non-profit is a great start - but it does not ensure an ethical experience.

Heart to Heart Adoptions is a non-profit agency located in Utah, and their profile on Guidestar.org contains links to their three most recent tax forms. They contain basic information like annual revenue and expenses, assets and liabilities. Page 7 of their 2014 form tells us that their Director, Donna Pope, received a salary of $171,000 that year. In 2015, it dipped down to $146,000 (also page 7).

The statement of functional expenses on page 10 will also tell you how much was spent on things like advertising, housing, and that they spent over $34,000 in legal fees in 2014 for some unknown reason.

In my opinion, being a non-profit is a great start because of the additional level of transparency required.

But it's just not enough.

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This is just the beginning of a broader conversation. Once I can finish putting my thoughts together, Part 2 will be about some specific issues I think are worth discussing.